Happy Birthday
Sam’s Burial Plots

Happy Birthday!!! We wanted to congratulate you on this wonderful day of celebration. It’s not often that we have the good fortune of writing to someone of your advanced age. Typically we must be content to speak with the next of kin. But you’re still alive and kicking, so were very honored to be able to correspond with you.

Many people fail to prepare for their ultimate destination. Consequently, arrangements are often made last minute and under difficult circumstances. Today – your birthday – is the best time to consider purchasing a burial plot, because today you’re one step closer to us! And we’re here to welcome you to your port of final departure.

Here at Sam’s we realize that poor people die too, and we provide economical and practical burial plans for those with less than modest incomes. We have two permanent burial sites, one alternating site plan, and a “permanent life” plan. Obviously the permanent sites are the more expensive, while the alternating site plan is very affordable, and our “permanent life” plan may actually put a few dollars in your loved-ones pockets.

Permanent Site One is located at the northwest corner of the Jackson landfill. It has a wonderful view of the city and is often lit for evening visits when the escaping gasses of the landfill catch fire.

Permanent Site Two is great for golfing enthusiasts. Sam has formed an alliance with the Tall Tree Golf Course & Mini Putt. At present, there are three sand bunker vacancies and two water hazard openings on the back nine. There is also a fun spot in the mini-putt wacky-windmill. Your family and friends will never know when you’ll pop up next!

Our alternating site plan is available under an agreement Sam has with Maxie’s Construction Company. If you act today, we can still get you in on the ground floor of the new Continental building downtown.

Last, our “permanent life” plan is for families who can really use a few bucks. You can have yourself embalmed and lacquered for use a dollar-store mannequin. In this way, your friends and relatives can visit you at whatever part of the country you happen to be modeling for and they will also receive a portion of the rental fees that we earn placing you.

Don’t wait for Mr. Death to knock on your door. Call us today. And, have a Happy Birthday!

Kindest Regards,

Plot Manager