Re: Travel Itinerary Acquisition and Changes

Dear Customer:

This letter is to notify you that your travel package has been sold to us by your travel agent, and therefore we will be taking care of all your travel arrangements for your up coming vacation. Congratulations and welcome aboard Happy Holiday Travel!!

We realize that the sale of paid travel packages is new to the industry and many of our clients. However, we are simply following the tried and true innovations made in the banking industry, where loans are bought and sold every day. We want to assure you that you are in good hands and your payment is safe with us. If you have any concerns regarding any changes we may make to your travel plans, be assured that we are as solid as any major financial institution today.

We have found it necessary to make some minor adjustments and schedule changes due to the fluctuation in exchange rates and variations in transportation schedules. We assure you that you will have a wonderful vacation you won’t soon forget.

However, we will have to move your departure date forward a few days. Your new departure date will be today. To account for the unexpected early departure we managed to get you the latest flight of the day, which departs at 11:58 p.m. We must ask that you ensure your timely arrival at the airport at least six hours prior to departure. Flights in to areas of recent military activity require additional Homeland Security screening.

Unfortunately, there are no flights which connect with the Transland Bus System, and you could possibly be stuck in Bogota, if you missed your bus. We understand that Bogota is not exactly the direct route to your destination; however, we must cut corners where possible to ensure our ridiculous profit margin. We understand that you also did not originally book a bus trip. Please do not forget the wonderful scenery you would miss from 30,000 feet. You will get a great view from a rustic, rural bus ride.

Once you’ve made your way to the exotic hinterlands of the Steps, you’ll be half way to your destination. Remember to pack an extra pillow and several carrots. The pillows are a must for sitting while you feed your burrow the carrots. We will send you a free color guide titled “Back Trail Burrows” to instruct you on how not to fall off your burrow while skirting cliffs. There is also a must-read section on three easy ways to rid yourself of burrow lice.

Remember when you are in the more rural villages not to walk in a straight line. It signals sexual prowess and is considered an open invitation for an afternoon romp in the bushes. The locals are known for their poor eyesight and it’s very unpredictable who will take you up on the offer.

Finally, remember on your flight home that it is very rude to refuse a chicken when offered to you. If the chicken lays an egg, you must eat it raw in acceptance of such a generous gift. Refusal to do so would be the equivalent of declaring war on their entire village. As an American tourist, you must consider yourself a casual ambassador and representative of the United States of America.

Have a great trip. If you run into any difficulties along the way, feel free to call the nearest American Embassy.

Bon Voyage!

Travel Broker