Welcome to the Other Side of the FAQs
It’s different here on this side of the FAQs... where FAQs and fiction meet and bad puns occasionally run amok.
Q: What is EntertainTheBrain.com?
A: A new and bold website that will push the bounds of new and bold websites -- at least to Toledo and back. Maybe further, after lunch.
Q: Why Toledo?
A: Because it’s there.
Q: Why did you choose “Entertain the Brain”?
A: Girls Gone Crazy was already taken and whitehouse.gov sounds too needy.
Q: Seriously, why “Entertain the Brain”?
A: The brain is a serious organ. Without it, you might die, or be elected to Congress. Some sites want you to exercise your brain. Some want to bend it, expand it, or feed it. Some want to show you what it looks like in a frying pan. My goal is to entertain.
Q: What is your name?
A: My name is William. I am not King of the Britons.
Q: What is your quest?
A: You didn’t have many friends as a child, did you?
Q: You started in with the Monty Python, not me.
A: It’s a fair court.
Q: See, you did it again!
A: No I didn’t.
Q: What kind of drivel can I expect to find on this FAQ?
A: Some of the best drivel around. Real high-quality stuff. Better than reading postal regulations.
Q: You don’t set a high bar, do you?
A: No, but I leap over it like a beautiful gazelle.
Q: African or Asian gazelle?
A: Stop that.
Q: So, what do you get out of this?
A: Money! Prestige! Fame! Glory! Beautiful women throwing clingy little underthings at me!
A: No. But, a guy can dream.
Q: Is your wife okay with that last bit?
A: No. But, a guy can dream.
Q: Do you actually call yourself the Willy Wonka of Words?*
A: Well, it’s more of an aspirational statement.
Q: How much longer are you going to have me serve up softball questions?
A: Until the Federal budget is balanced, baby!
Q: Couldn’t we just go until pigs fly?
A: Pick your poison.
Q: You seem to be quite excited about this. Big aspirations here. Don’t you know that this is not how it’s done?
A: Shhhhh…. artist at work.
Do bumblebees know that they aren’t able to fly? Does Congress still spend money like a drunken sailor, even though the money is all gone? Does Britney know we don’t want to see that anymore (most never did)?
Or, as someone else famous would say, “Can we do it? Yes, we can!” Quick quiz -- was that our President or Bob the Builder? I’ll give you a hint, the answer is “yes.”
Q: Are you going to add to this FAQ as time goes on, or can we consider ourselves safe?
A: If folks like this style of humor, I’ll be happy to continue in some form. Perhaps as a blog, or a future project. If they throw vegetables at me, well, I still may keep going. I could use the veggies. If I’m greeted with a roaring silence, I may just leave it here. Let me know. If you have great things to say, then please let everyone know. Click here to send an email.
Q: Do you have any other projects in the works?
Q: Can you elaborate on your other projects?
A: My lawyer advises me to “keep my big trap shut.”
Q: He sounds a little tight-lipped.
A: Oh, that’s nothing compared to the other end of him.
* Disclaimer: Neither Willy Wonka, the author of Willy Wonka and his estate, the folks who made the Willy Wonka movies (any of them), the actors in Willy Wonka (including, without limitation, a few of my favorite actors, Gene Wilder, Johnny Depp, and the pudgy kid who got sucked up the pipe - Augustus, I think), the key grip, the minor grip, get-a-grip, and all those other folks we see in the credits that have job titles that do not exist in the real universe, nor anyone else associated with those personalities, trademarks, copyrights, or any other interest or right therein, thereto, or whereartthou, whatsoever endorses this site, my use of the names of Willy Wonka, Johnny Depp, Gene Wilder or other actors, or this project or has anything whatsoever to do with it. Although, if they’d like to help contribute to my success, I’d be happy to hear from them (not their lawyers). Johnny, if you’re reading, I think you’d play me really well!!**
** Disclaimer to the Disclaimer: My lawyer made me write the disclaimer. Yes, I embellished a bit. Okay, a lot. No, he hasn’t seen it. But, I’m sure we’ll all hear of it when he does.