Congratulations!!! You are this year’s Super Father’s Day Sweepstakes Winner!!! We understand you may be skeptical about getting something for nothing, but we assure you, YOU ARE A WINNER!! And, why not? You are a great dad, are you not?

Every year our company does one bigs promotional campaign to help raise consciousness and popularity for our product line. For the last two years this promotion has been a big blowout sweepstakes. Although we do not have quite the advertising budget of some of the more famous sweepstakes, such as Reader’s Digest and Publisher’s Clearing House, we manage to put on quite a gala affair and lavish rather expensive prizes upon our winners. Many people ask us how we can afford to give away such wonderful prizes. It’s all promotion. So relax and enjoy your fabulous winnings.

The Monday after Father’s Day, our driver, Max, will come to whisk you away to our Headquarters in Cheboygan. If you live on the West Coast, please give Max an extra two or three days’ driving time to get there.

Once at our Headquarters, you will be crowned Rhubarb Royalty in a splendid ceremony. You will be anointed by our President, Max, and given the key to the Rhubarb Kingdom.

Then there will be a photo shoot with you as the star! Later you will become a national celebrity with your face on every R&R rhubarb pie distributed across the nation.

And, not only will your picture be on the label, but we will make a cast of your face to mold the pies. Soon all of America will be eating YOU!!

After the photo shoot and face casting, our Vice President of Sales, Max, will present you with the grand prize – two tractor-trailers of ripe and juicy rhubarbs. That’s at least a year’s supply! Max will even drive one of them back to your home town for you and make a formal presentation before depositing the rhubarbs in your front yard. If you aren’t accustomed to driving big rigs, don’t worry; Max will teach you how and we can make you a very believable long-hauler’s license.

Moreover, just so your friends and neighbors won’t miss this exciting recognition of your achievement, we’ll call a press conference to be held on your lawn during the rhubarb presentation!!