This notice is to confirm the information your moving company should have provided you within the last 24 hours. Please keep in mind that this notice is for your information only. Your moving company, as the primary carrier, takes all liability and responsibility for reimbursing you for any lost or damaged goods.

Our information shows that your household goods were mismarked by either the carrier, their agent, or you. As a result, your belongings were shipped to Mobile, Alabama.

As soon as your belongings arrived in Mobile the mistake was discovered. However, a computer malfunction in the Dallas dispatch office prevented the correct coding of your belongings. They were next put on a ship bound for San Francisco. Unfortunately, a large storm in the Gulf of Mexico took the ship captain by surprise and three containers were washed overboard in the storm. Again, let me remind you that none of this would have happened if the boxes had been properly marked in the first place.

We have yet to confirm the following, but it appears that one of these containers contained some of your furniture. The rest of your belongings arrived safe in San Francisco and were safely delivered to a Mr. and Mrs. Smalls.

Upon delivery at the Smalls, the driver realized that this too was a mistake. While he was trying to reload the truck he had a problem with one of your larger dressers. He had it on a dolly and was pushing it up the loading ramp when he lost his balance. The dresser rolled down the ramp and into the street. As it gained speed, it headed down the large hill on which the Smalls live and coasted out toward the freeway on-ramp. The driver last saw it headed south on Interstate 5 passing a ’73 VW Bug.

They managed to reload the rest of your belongings before nightfall, except for two lamps and a chair with which Mrs. Smalls would not part. In the end, reason prevailed, and the driver managed to exchange your lamps and chair for a genuine coconut clock from the Big Island and a very nice “Elvis is King” black light poster framed in authentic faux-ivory. These items are quite unique and we think you’ll like them.

Your belongings are now safely on their way to your new home. Your carrier has your correct address in Anchorage, and they are loading your stuff on a ship in Seattle as I write. Please do not be concerned about the storm warnings in the Bering Sea; the captain assures us that he will be in Alaskan waters within 36 hours.

Finally, the California State Police have an APB out on your dresser, and we are confident you will have it returned to you soon with only a small fine.

Thank you for your patience. Remember, your carrier is the liable party here. Happy Housewarming!

Yours truly,

Third-Party Customer Affairs