Happy Retirement
Midland Retirement Center

Congratulations on your retirement!! We wanted to personally acknowledge your many years of hard work and devotion to your job. You’ve put in many long, hard hours and you deserve something good for yourself. You should be commended and rewarded for all your achievement over the many years.

That’s why we wanted to be one of the first to welcome you to our retirement community. We’re not your average retirement home. You deserve something much more special than an average retirement community.

Here at Midland we realize that many people who retire are still active and energetic. Sure, on Monday mornings you may look like you’ve got one foot in the grave, but we’re certain that glimmer is still in your eyes. And, if it’s not, we’ll get you special designer contacts to put it back. Furthermore, if you’ve lost some of that spring in your step, we’ll fit you into a pair of pump-it-up orthopedic shoes to get you bouncing along.

At Midland we like to promote activity for our residents. That’s why all our condominiums start on the 5th floor of each building and go up to the 27th. Of course elevators would promote inactivity, so we took them out and replaced them with fire poles. Can’t you just see yourself every morning zipping down 27 stories, clinging to a greased metal pole for dear life. After that you won’t even need your morning coffee.

We have a full-time recreational Master, Steamslammer, who used to be a TV gladiator or something. He has designed a complete recreational program based on his training with the Navy Seals and the Green Berets. The program is highly varied to keep you on your toes. You may find yourself shooting M-16s one morning and belly-crawling through a mock mine field the next.

Finally, you will find our menus fabulous. We have an internationally acclaimed Irish chef who fixes award winning dishes. Ruddy has over 75 different potato recipes in his repertoire. You can eat for over two months and never eat the same potato dish twice. Of course, Ruddy prepares more than just potatoes. Every fourth Thursday he makes a splendid barley gruel. We are sure you’ll be fit and trim in no time.

We look forward to seeing you soon. And, congratulations!

Best Wishes,