Office of the King
Central building Square
UF-PD 1-0, Room 452-95D

Dear Distinguished Ancient One:

If I may introduce myself, my name is Straungstun, King Reginald Straungstun III. I am the humble ruler of a small and brave new country. You may not of heard of our small kingdom, Bableonia. However, we are a young and vibrant country, rich in the bounty of nature and youth. This brings me to my point.

Because we are such a young country we have very few people who have reached old age. In order to better balance our population, we have recently begun inviting elderly individuals, such as yourself, to immigrate to our country.

We offer many benefits for people who participate in our OLder Dignitaries For Advanced Retirement Training (OLDFART) Program. As an official OLDFART, you will receive free dentures, the official “Driving By Touch -- Just Bumping Along” handbook, reserved seating on all park benches, reserved parking places closest to the entrances of all MacDonald’s, a 20 percent discount on all cruises, and a free hotline direct to your oldest child so that you may nag them without those pesky long distance bills. All lady OLDFARTs receive complimentary supplies of quarter inch thick beige support hose, and men OLDFARTs receive monthly supplements of turtle wax for that shiny spot on top.

We hope that you will consider our humble offer on this great day.

Happy Birthday and Happy Trails!!!


King Reginald Straungstun III